Results and the bitch of a secretary

Went for my appointment, ( every 3 months ) all is good my CEA was 5.1 so no sign of cancer ..........FEELS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!
Temperature today was -35C..... with the wind
Moving along... if you remember, I had left disability forms in September for the doctor to fill out, I had already filled out my forms and mailed them... 3 months go by and I desperately needed those forms filled out by the doctor...The secretary never mailed them out as she said, Enough bitching, its Xmas

Winter full force- Oncologist appointment

Winter has arrived here in full force, -14C, 7F
Its bloody cold......that is winter in Montreal
I am still doing xmas shopping not finished yet.
I have invited my family over for New Years, its my parents 60th Wedding Anniversary......
I dropped off xmas gifts for hospital staff and my next stop is the second hospital....
Tomorrow, I will see my oncologist for my first follow up..... hope to get good news for xmas

2 Heros among us.............Just in time for XMas

Two Winnipeg police officers are being credited with saving the life of a newborn after a woman who didn't know she was pregnant suddenly gave birth in her bathroom.

Both officers, who had just arrived at the home to follow up on a separate investigation on Sunday afternoon, ran into the bathroom when they heard a woman's screams.

The woman, 32, thought she was suffering from severe cramping, but officers found she had given birth while sitting on the toilet.

The officers plucked the unresponsive baby boy from the toilet, then revived him through mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

"The baby was retrieved from the toilet. It wasn't submerged but had been delivered. The child was initially unresponsive so officers performed CPR for approximately five minutes," Winnipeg Const. Jason Michalyshen told CTV.ca.

The baby boy is in stable condition in hospital along with his mother.

Const. Michalyshen said incidents like this are extremely rare.

"Never in a career would you likely come across a situation like this and thankfully, our members were there when they were and they just did an outstanding job," he said.

High-ranking officers are looking into whether the two officers should receive commendations for their actions, Const. Michalyshen said.

He could not reveal the names of the two officers because they sometimes work undercover but said they are a woman with nine years of service, and a man with seven years of service.

The pregnancy and birth took the woman's family completely by surprise.

"At first she thought it was cramps and then all of a sudden out of nowhere she starts yelling 'Darren, Darren, help me! Help my baby!'" Darren Richard, the woman's brother told CTV Winnipeg.

Richard said he thinks the baby would have died if the officers had not arrived when they did.

Time to give back

I decided to buy little gifts for the hospital staff, this makes me very happy.....I picked up earrings, necklaces, brooches, rings for the oncology rehab department, and chocolate for the oncology department.
Its difficult buying for individuals, so I decided to bring chocolates to all the nurses in oncology.
Its time for me to give back, for all their great help
Makes me happy to do something for them......... hope everybody likes their little package.....
Thank you Montreal General Hospital,and the Royal Victoria Hospital

Soon another year has gone by

After reading Barbara's post, it made me reflect and think of my past year, what a year....
Started my small business, while preparing my business plan, I felt extremely tired all the time, little did I know I had cancer. Finished my plan, and then ended up at the hospital. Strange finished plan mid August and ended up in hospital end August and was told end Sept I had colon cancer, colon surgery in October, stayed in hospital 2 weeks, water in lungs, was in pretty bad shape, couldn't breathe without oxygen tank glued to me 24 hours a day.... incision was not healed properly, so had to go to clinic in the middle of winter to get it packed each and everyday....stomach started swelling, bad sign..... later found out colon cancer had spread to ovary....more surgery......had second tumor removed, plus a hysterectomy, this time my hospital stay was 1 week, ended up going home one day before my 46th birthday.....
Before all this happened, I had so many people around me, not friends but people. I was so upset about my cancer, I did not make a effort to call anybody ( these people anyway) nor have they called me since.
My true friends stuck around, doctors warned me, about patients my age, seeing friends disappear, he was right.....
Although, it was a rough journey, I became closer to my family, they were all there for me in my time of need.
My parents are 80 and 85 , I love them, God bless them.....
I have noticed they have aged overnight since my illness, I felt terrible having them live through this journey, I kept my diagnose from them for about 3 months, I couldn't tell them, I told them it was just a tumor had to be removed, in the end I had to tell them the truth...it was not easy.
Last Xmas had to be the worse Xmas ever...I looked like I was expecting a baby, my tumor was so huge...had to buy new clothes, loose clothes.
Sitting there at the dinner table with my parents on Xmas day was awful.
I just cried and cried, I couldn't keep my emotions in anymore.
I was scared and freaked out, I sat there and tried to eat and all I thought about was my second surgery, my chemo treatments, how much time I had left in this world....the thoughts wouldn't stop...my mind was racing.
I couldn't believe that I had cancer at 46 but I did like so many others out there, I was not alone.
Today...... we are 2 weeks away from Xmas and I look forward to spending time with my parents, in peace, no crying, no negative thoughts.
On Dec.31, my parents will have their 60th wedding anniversary, can you imagine, and I am the only kid in the family who has never married, nor has any kids....
I have ordered a family portrait ( was taken at my moms 80th birthday party) this year.... my brother, my sister, myself and both my parents are in it....it will be my gift to them.
I hope everybody, takes the time to look around this xmas and appreciate the people around them. Life is short...love one another and be happy at that moment...after all tomorrow is another day, but today is today
Happy Holidays everybody

What a freakin headache, calls, faxes

Wow......I should get paid for all this running around
The Canadian Cancer Society finally mailed out my cheque for 78.00 from the original cab receipts of over 300.00

I am so fed up of calling these people, faxing, calling.....
Its a good thing, I have the strength to do all this, what would happen if I was on chemo treatments, in bed most of the month? What then?
Also a major problem...getting appointments, either the line gets disconnected as you wait for a answer because voice box is full or you have a leave a message for someone to get back to you
Not to mention....by the time you finish listening to their long message, you have to press 1 for English or 2 for French blah blah.....whatever happend to people answering the phone when it rings, instead of all this hit this for this or that....so time consuming
oh yeah..... the only appointment available for a mammo is for June 2010
ohhhhhh my
ok, I won't bitch anymore had to get it out

Happy Thanksgiving US

Pain in the $^%%$%

1st pain :Little mouse, or big rat........
Nope not talking about my colon ......... I've been sleeping on my couch for few days now, no word from landlord..darn
Where are they when you need them....oh yeah knocking on door on the first of every month collecting the rent....dah
2nd pain: elephant neighbour....if walks and sounds like a elephant then must be a elephant
She has been driving nuts for over 9 years.....I believe she must be falling on her head, I hear these big bangs lol, so loud, that I jump from my seat....if its not her pacing the appartment all day and nite, s its her falling on her big ffffff head....can you tell I am fuming? Wish people had more respect, I DON'T GET IT, talk about a royal bitch....that's her
she knows cops don't do anything about these complaints unless its music related.....she has the upper hand

Watch a grown woman run away from a mouse

What can I say....... during the night, I hear noises.....lol, sounds like a mouse behind my bed/dressers, it freaks me out.....I end up running from bedroom with my comforter into the living room....like a 4 year old
Slept on my couch last night..all freaked out.
Tried reaching the owner but of course millionaires have better things to do than answer tenants phone calls.....
On a better note, I finally dyed my hair..I went to the Natural store and picked up hair dye, it worked...my hair did not fall off....
I've been kept busy by my friend Rene....thats a good thing
I ended up receiving a phone call from CCS, they are working on my refund, 75.00, I am still waiting for the cheque....oh well.....if I am lucky will receive by Xmas......

Amazing 5 year old

The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony...theme for St.Margaret Hospital-Cancer

Michael Jackson- This is it

Wow, finally got to see it..............ITS AMAZING !!!!!!!!
LOVED IT
I have a question last week when I saw it, he sang Dirty Diana......today I did not see that
Strange is there two versions of the movie?

Did she say " Survivor"

On my last cancer rehab appointment which means meeting with doctor, nurse, nuritionist, physiotherapist, Occupational therapist.........
Occ was talking to me about keeping active, job relations, etc....... and she said.....You are now a Cancer Survior..... I looked at her and said " oh so that is what they call me now" " for how long"
Nobody knows!!!!!!!!!!
What qualifies to be a cancer survior? I wondered..... 1 month cancer free,,,,,,,6 months , 5 years, 10 years?
ummmmmm........would seem to me, after 5 or 10 years to be termed " Survivor"
After all its only been a little over 1 month for me
I find it strange

Today marks 1 year since my first surgery

Wow, its already been 1 year today, since my first surgery...hard to believe this journey started a little over year ago
Today I am well, as well as I can be. Nothing exciting happening here. Trying to figure out what to do to support myself..my leather wear or something else.
I have been keeping busy seeing my friend Rene, he has been very supportive and kind.....a great friend indeed.
I've been going to cancer rehab, doing my psyhio...( I hate it) I was never a excercise person lol....
Been reading lots....now I am into Ann Rule (true crime) she is pretty good.....very good actually, except I get paranoid at times after reading some horrible murder...
Besides that cancer is always in the back of my mind...what if this or that....its  normal to be afraid of the unknown. I try not to let it run my life, been taking it one day at a time.
I've been thinking of maybe starting in the accessory business and continue my leather wear, not sure what to do

Sad day

Thank God, I agreed to go on anti depressants........ today I feel sad....... I enjoy reading peoples posts on here, but there are days, I can't help but be sad and upset when I read some posts. People on here have been part of my day for many months now, I feel close to some and it disturbs me to read some days.
I truly wish, there was not cancer in our lifetime, but there is.
We the warriors have to get up each day and fight and keep our head up high and only wish for a better tomorrow

google street and 7 pounds

Wow, talk about lack of privacy..... can you believe, now we could type any address and see the building, home of anybody....... what is this world coming too........sounds a little dangerous to me

Movie 7 Pounds
Yesterday was a good day, my friend Rene picked me up, we had a real nice lunch/supper.....he cooked.

We decided to stay in and watch a movie, we ended up watching 7 Pounds with Will Smith. Wow, what a great movie..... made me cry a few times.... its a emotional movie, but the message is doing good for others while Sacrificing oneself. I closed my eyes during the last 10 mins, I tried blocking my ears, but that did not work.

Happy Thanksgiving Canada

Wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving Day to you all
Hope everybody enjoys the day with their loved ones
I am spending the day with my parents

What Money can buy

Money will buy

A bed but not sleep

Books but not brains

Food but not appetite

Finery but not beauty

A house but not a home

Medicine but not health

Luxuries but not culture

Amusement but not happiness

A crucifix but not a saviour

A church pew but not heaven

What money cannot buy, Jesus

Christ can give freely without charge

Is Jesus Christ your lord and Saviour? If not, you can get a new lease on life right now. Confess to God that you have sinned and that you want to turn from your sins to receive Jesus as Lord of your life. Through that step of believing faith you can start life afresh with your sins forgiven and a new life in Christ

(this was given to me today by a cancer patient whom I met during my chemo treatments)
Sorry I am not trying to preach/push religion, just thought some of you would enjoy this

women fighting is worse than two cats

ok.......... it goes like this.....from my colon cancer yahoo group:
1st woman
I haven't posted on here as of yet because I really don't know what to say.

However, I feel like I must say something now. I joined this group mainly
because I have a friend who had/has colon cancer. She is a member of this group,
but, I will not bring her name up in this. I was there for her when nobody else
was calling her and she is a Christian. I was her friend for a little over 5
years and suddenly, she just decides that she can't be friends with me any
longer. How can a Christian do that to someone? I was there for her and she just
dumps our friendship this way. She saw my daughter in the store the other night
and just walked off and didn't say a word. My daughter came to the car crying. I
had a friend in High School whose mother had cancer. After her mother died, my
friend wanted nothing to do with the people she was friends with while her
mother was with cancer and alive. Why do people with cancer do this? I know
others do it too, but, two ppl have done this to me now and it hurts.
This person was my best friend. We shared so much together. Good and bad times.
Our families did things together and then 'poof' someone else is a better friend
to her than me? My children had no idea what to think because they love this
woman. We are all concerned for her and just want to know that she's alright. We
had no closure, no explanation, nothing. How can someone just walk away from a
long friendship that way, espeically when they proclaim to be a Christian? I
truly do miss her and wish she'd just talk to me. I also want her to know that
we pray for her and always wish her the best. Thank you for listening. Any advice?

2nd woman
Hi! Where to begin? The person Tina is talking about is me. I haven't read

anyone's responses to her. I would like to clarify a thing or two.

First, I really resent that she has been lurking on this list. She had been
asked to cease and desist any attempt to contact me, therefore her presence on
this list is stalking! She is not and has not been a part of my support system
for a long time. I choose not to slam her here. However, my family asked me to
end the relationship as it was time consuming and taking away from the strength
I've needed to heal. I was feeling that way for awhile. I don't post alot here
about all the issues I am dealing with right now above and beyond cancer.
I am so sorry to have upset her daughter as I love her much. I will not
return to this relationship. If the stalking continues, I will take serious
steps to end it.
I've emailed the list owner about this issues as Tina wasn't invited to invade
my privacy by lurking on this list.

3rd woman

Thought I would add my 2 cents on this. Have we forgot what is going on, this


person has cancer. Doesn't she have enough on her plate without all of this BULL

! It has been said you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends. I

will keep her in my prayers. Also I hope see can find peace and comfort on this

site. That is what it is for. If anybody is wondering Terry is not well at all.

Have nice evening.



4th woman
> How Stupid !! cut out yours Friend Just because of Cancer, ?? Never would do

that?? Friends are Important,

1st woman....the one who complained about woman dissing her
Just because someone has cancer, does not give them the right to be a jerk to


the people who love them and have cared about them the most. You are certainly

entitled to your opinion, but, you don't know this woman like I do. Thanks!!


MY OPINION......I THOUGHT SHE WAS A CHRISTAN, SHE CERTAINLY TURNED UGLY
Let's not forget the site is for cancer patients / family, who need support and comfort

things change

When I was undergoing chemo , I was in better spirits and feeling a little more active. I started cancer rehab about 1 month now, which involves physiotherapy and I have no desire to go......
I don't feel motivated to go, I am always tired, not well under my skin....a very low, depressed state.
Its as they said, I was fighting cancer, I had something driving me, now I am always get plain tired
They also said, no matter what, I will always be a cancer patient .......
I have to excercise in order to feel better, makes sense, I don't have the drive
Seems like everything around me is falling apart

cold, no heat...................................I AM PISSED

It's bloody cold here.... feels like winter and guess what, landlord has not put the heat on yet.....
Have socks, jeans, turtleneck and coat on still cold.....funny how they knock on your door for the rent on the first without fail.................................................I am pissed

Now doc wants me to go on anti depressants....... yes I am depressed....very

How Rude..I am pretty upset

I had therapy today......just getting there made me tired. It seems everyday, I drag myself....I am always so tired, my hands are still giving me a hard time, getting into my purse seems to take forever....
After my appointment, I decided to do groceries , as clerk was clicking at cash...she told me to pack my bags......... ( most if not all, clerks pack your bags ) I mentioned that I was not well... she looked at me like I was nuts, I then said, I am not well, I have cancer....she gave me a dirty look and said " My dad had cancer and he had no problems with his groceries....I thought to myself like WT ? I got upset...I said I am not well , I was having a difficult time just doing my shopping and this girl is being rude....she said to me, if you have cancer shouldn't you be in the hospital or something?
I got more upset, I did not over re-act but she royally pissed me off, couldn't she just accept I did not have any strength left. I asked her " Would you like to see the doctors letter?

It........f.........sucks at times

It struck me , we are all equal......everybody is born to families we like or don't like...... time goes by and then..... we leave this place. Nobody asks to be born, we just are.......we meet people, get a education, some marry, some don't , some have kids and some don't......do we really control our destiny? To a point, I guess we do and the rest just happens. Some things happen due to our own doing and some don't. Some are rich, some are poor, some of us have great friends and some of us, just find rotten apples along our journey. Life for some is wonderful....... and for some just a struggle. We laugh, we cry, we hurt, we celebrate, we fight, we forgive, we forget and the journey continues. Each new day is unpredictable, nobody knows what the new day will bring us, but yet we deal with , good or bad.
I just read a follow blogger's post........." Bad News"
I have to mention, she is the first person I met on yahoo colon cancer group, and she is the one who got me interested in this blogspot site. Reading her latest post, saddened me greatly.
This is what I commented on her post............

"Life is very unpredictable and doctors are there to help and save lives. We never know with cancer. Enjoy your cruise, enjoy your family, your grandkids. Some people are given months and they live for many years. Enjoy each day , stay strong, doctors are not God, only God decides. Many people have proved the doctors wrong. I realize its not good news and nobody wants to hear those words, but we have seen so many people live full lives with this illness.


I am saddened by your news, you are the first person I met on the colon cancer yahoo group, and I started my blog because of you. I hope you enjoy your cruise, and come back a fighter, stronger, and with hope and courage in your heart to fight this.

Live your life and keep fighting

My thoughts and prayers are with you Millie"

How does one deal with a life sentence? Its unbearable words to hear....but yet many people have heard these words and have to live and deal with our worse fear, death.
When death is knocking on our door, we have no other choice but to open the door....
A friend once told me, when we are born, we decide when to die....like " what drugs are you on? Does it make sense? I don't think so, but then again....who knows.
We have today, that is all we have......love those around us, enjoy the time we have " NOW" , tomorrow will be dealt with when it comes

The final years of Michael Jackson.....Unmasked by Ian Halperin

I just finished reading the book......ummmm a little boring, focus was mostly on the trials. As per book, Michael was used, abused, lonely , isolated, gay.....a very lonely unhappy soul. I could see that. So the conclusion is that no matter how much money one has, does not bring you health nor happiness. Sounds like Michael had given up on life. It pains me. He did not want to do the 50 shows, it was supposed to be 10 shows, as Michael knew he was not physcially able to do all 50 shows, he was pushed and in the end he gave up. He was not well. RIP Michael

Couldn't but notice

I am a big reader, I must read atleast 3-4 books a week...... for those of you who read a lot have you noticed, in every book....someone has cancer, or died of cancer on and on. No matter who the author is.....Steel, Bradford etc.....
They seem to always have someone in there dealing etc with cancer.
I guess this is what the world is today...........UNFORTUNATELY

Remission.........diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer

I finally got a straight answer from my pivot nurse yesterday, I was diagnosed with stage 4...( I had alread figured it out myself ) but doctors told me I am not a textbook cause....what?
Looks like the tumor had Protruded from colon....and was considered stage 4.
and as we know it travelled to ovaries....but were removed. Now.....according to scans seems to be ok , for now.
What does remission mean? As far as I can see is that for now everything is ok, mind you I have a appointment with colon surgeron at the end of October, what will he see?
Seems that scans are good source of testing, but not the best, they can only see so much.
So remission means..... good now.....tomorrow is another story...... as I know and many of us know, it can always come back the question is when?
I am not being negative, but it seems, although we are in remission, there will always be that constant fear behind us..with us everyday.
I called my parents from hospital , of course I waited and waited for doctor, just sitting there waiting was bad enough....my mom sounded funny on phone....shaky.... I was fine when I heard the news, but once I called my anxious parents.....I got teary....she started crying on the phone and told me my dad was vomiting all morning waiting for my call....oh my...... this was so emotional for me. I felt bad putting them through this nightmare. I hate this..... dragging my parents through this journey.
I don't like to see them upset, but what can I do?
We go through the surgeries, chemo, etc...but we have loving family around us, and seeing them worry makes it harder , Since I was diagnosed they aged 20 years. I wish I could tell my 80 and 85 year old parents, I will live till I am 80, I will be married someday, be loved, and life will be beautiful. If only that were the case.
I would like to make them happy and not have to worry about me.
So now...... I have to look for a job.... that stresses me, I will probably not go back to the fashion industry...too stressful and they don't hire people who have been out of this industry for a long time......so now what?
That stresses me out, considering there are very little jobs available out there.
I don't have too many options, its a worry and how will I handle a full time job again after cancer?  Its different if you have a office waiting for you, but I don't , I was not working when I was diagnosed.
Being 46, ill and unemployed is a problem..... I have to think hard about what I can do, and what I can handle.
The main thing is my health and my family, the rest shall follow....
Take one day at a time, mind you I have cancer rehab to finish.... I did no exercises for about 3 weeks, vacation, then the cold hit me....yes I still have it...

Pet Scan went great.......in remission

Had oncology appointment today, scans are all ok. They found something in liver but doctor believes its from chemo. Have another appointment in October with colon surgeron, follow up of my colon to ensure no more cancer.,
Now I get to see the oncologist in another 3 months.,
So, does this mean everything is ok? I guess for now till I see the colon doctor.
I am grateful and thanking God and my family and my blog buddies for being there for me.
thank you all
Hugs

A year has gone by........hard to believe

It's already been a year since I was diagnosed, hard to believe, 1 year already.
I still have my cold, its taking a long time to go away.....but feeling slightly better, my hands are still causing me much pain, was at hospital and they told me to massage my finger tips and hands, should help. Wow, are they ever painful and numb, weird feeling difficult to describe.
Did my pet scan, tomorrow I get the results......I am a little worried, who would not be.
The weather is getting colder and seems the home is even colder..... winter is fast approaching us.
I am not sleeping all that well, coughing a lot, a little stressed.
My cancer therapist asked me to go see her tomorrow after my results, in case its bad news.
I guess that is all for now.

Life

As I sit here reading all the posts by fellow bloggers, it makes me wonder.....and ask myself
Why is there so much suffering? We do not realize how much is going on out there, till we see it or live it ourselves.
Life is difficult..........
I long for the days where I had a career, I would go to work everyday and do my job and I did it well.
Today battling cancer has stopped me from working, therefore, all I do is visit the hospital and go to cancer rehab. One's life changes overnight, nothing is ever the same. The past year had made me realize, anything can change, I have met so many wonderful people ( hospital staff )
My oncologist Dr.Rajan, Pivot nurse Suki, my colon surgeon Dr.Stein
All the nurses, secretaries, my therapist Kimberley, Head nurse Anne, Social worker Carmen and Barbara
And the list goes on.........One thing that cancer has done is given me the chance to have met these great people and if it wasn't for cancer, I wouldn't be here blogging.....something good has come out of it

Patrick Swayze Dies At 57 pancreatic cancer

My heart is broken, Patrick Swayze has passed away at 57. He was a great dancer, and actor he will be greatly missed. He lost his battle with pancreatic cancer, it is so sad
He is well known for North and South, Dirty Dancing, Ghost and Roadhouse and his singing "She's like the wind"
I am so upset....he was a great man, with a big heart.....so many great people have lost their battle with cancer.
We have to find a cure............

God bless you Patrick

Remembering Anastasia DeSousa....Sept 13, 2006 tragic event in Montreal

This post is dedicated to friends and family of Anastasia De Sousa who was shot and killed at Dawson College in Montreal on Sept.13, 2006
It has already been 3 years since she left us.
May you rest in peace


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anastasia_De_Sousa

Sunday with family....pet scan tomorrow

I spent most of my day at my parents. My dad has a cold as well and he did not look good, I am worried. He is 85 and not as strong as before, he stayed away from family today, did not want us to catch his cold, mind you I have one already. I felt real bad for him today. The cold is hitting him hard. This season it seems colds are taking a toll on people, it is for me and my dad.
Tomorrow is pet scan day and not looking forward to that, it scares me what they will find. It will be my first pet scan since this nightmare started, on the 19th will be 1 year since I was diagnosed.
It seems just like yesterday, the diagnose, surgeries, draining of the lungs...chemo etc.... but it has already been almost 1 year. My sore hands and feet are a constant reminder of the fact I have cancer. I feel terribly weak these days don't know if its the cold or somethingelse.
Having good health is the best thing one can have in life, once our health fails, its a different life, attitude.
I now realize life ain't easy for a lot of people out there.

Peripheral Neuropathy

I dragged myself to the hospital appointment today, I looked like what the cat dragged in. I was so tired and weak from this cold its not funny. I asked nurse if I could take tylenol and since I did not have a fever she agreed, it helped a little. All week I did not take anything not knowing what I could take because of chemo.
She checked my temperature and said if I have fever this weekend to go to a clinic and get checked for swine flu....like this is all I need.  I told her about the pain in my hands due to chemo , its called
Peripheral Neuropathy......pamphlet explains this may begin as early as 24 hrs after 1st chemo and they are usually short lived. However they may last up to six months or more after your last treatment. Usually this will go away. Unfortunately, in some cases these symptoms may be permanent.
All I know is that my hands are more painful these days, my fingers are slightly swollen. I need to wear leather gloves these days when I am out and about.... it helps a little. Washing dishes, or taking a bath or shower is a nightmare. They want to test my hands next week to see the extent of nerve damage....
WHAT CAN MAKE YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE EASIER

• use large diameter tools ( for example use a thick pen or pencil)
• Tape pipe insulation around tools to increase the size of handles
• Use a rubber thimble or pencil eraser to run pages of a book
• Choose long necklaces that do not require opening the clasp
• To open jars, use a rubber glove or pad to help grip it better
• Attach the rough part of velcro to an object ( a glass or bottle)
• Button your shirt before putting it on
• Attach a paper clip or a piece of string to your zipper

The pleasures of chemo side effects
Did I mention typing is a nightmare.....

New season starts soon

I am still feeling low and rundown due to my cold...oh well....tomorrow I am seeing the nurse and social worker where I go for physiotherapy...
Monday is my pet scan...wow....then the waiting for the results
I watched The Vampire Diaries tonight, was interesting...both are handsome ...... to be that young again.... if only we could go back to that age and know what we know now....lol
I can't wait to see Amazing Race, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives.
I wonder how this winter will be.....I dread it
Did you hear, Ellen is replacing Paula Abdul on American Idol..

You should see me now lol

I am sitting here at my pc , wearing silly looking gloves because my hands are so sore. These are the gloves hospital gave me to wear whenever dealing with cold food from freezer or fridge. I can't handle the pain, its only getting worse. My hands are so very painful, feels like I've been out in -30 temperature and that my hands are frozen. How long will this pain last?
As you know I have a terrible cold.... seems to be worse than any other, since cancer, I spend my days in bed since Monday, here I was feeling good and then bang.....a cold. If you must know, gloves are not helping . Taking a shower or bath does not help either, when washing I feel like I am washing straw... my hair feels terrible against my hands as well as my body...Never a dull moment.
When things are good , they are very good, when bad, they are very bad......I am feeling sorry for myself....sorry.....
On another note I have not yet been paid for my cab receipts from the cancer society and I don't think I will either been close to two months since I sent out receipts....I am extremely disappointed in them. Another thing that bothers me is why don't they have commericals or ads with real patients? instead of actors? The most realistic one is for Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto
Sorry I am bitching but it makes me wonder ...........

Now I am pissed

I am more saddened than pissed, no ok, I am pissed. Since I started blogging, I have come across many other bloggers, wonderful people via this technology we call internet.
It boogles my mind to read so many other stories about their suffering, endurance, courage, strength, saddness. I can't believe how many of us are battling cancer or other serious illnesses.
I have found people have strength, perservance, what else can we do? We have been dealt with this card and we have to accept what is, is.
It upsets me to see so many people suffering out there, true I never met these people in person, but its a good thing to communicate with others who have been there or are there. I believe it helps everybody in the long run, or if its for the short run. When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know where to run to, I kept to myself, researched only so much on net about cancer, there is only so much you could read....right? Every cancer is different, as every one person is different and unique, we can't compare. I decided to stop researching anything on cancer on the net. It was too much. I don't do it anymore.
The question I ask myself is why so many of us are inflicted with cancer. The air, food? what?
I am not driving so I tend to take cabs or the public transit to get around and it struck me , they have front seats for the elderly, etc...one day I was with a bunch of grocery bags, I had just had my second surgery, not feeling my best when a woman walks in and rudely says to me, aren't you giving me your seat? Well, yes, but shouldn't I have access to this seat as well? I have cancer.... how do they know how I am feeling? Am I tired, in pain etc...true I don't have a cane , I am not a senior, I did give my seat, but someone on here mentioned the same thing happened to them and I wondered......
What pisses me off, is that so many people have to live with cancer..... it not only changes you, it changes your life. People bitch and complain about stupid non important things, and here we are trying to survive , do our daily things, groceries, laundry, cleaning and since I have been diagnosed, I don't bitch about lineups or minor inconviences, ok, maybe I do a little, I am human. At times, the little things make me cry, out of nowhere, I get teary, ok, not out of nowhere, we wonder how much time do we have left? where will I be in 3, 6, 9 months....will I see my sister, my nephews, etc again?
The future is unknown to us all, but especially for us.
Do I want to see all my old friends ? The answer is no, as one doctor said to me, we soon realize after being diagnosed, we never had anything in common. Mind you I have many reasons not to see these people again, it was a decision I made long time ago.....soon 1 year will have gone by since diagnosed and I am sticking to my decision, might not be the right one, but its one I made.

Had to happen.......

Yesterday I mentioned I spend the day with a old friend, the day was warm and sunny, I sat in the sun a little, can't stay in the sun too long, yes I had sun block, my nurse gave me shit about that lol
Anyway, towards the evening, I sat outside in his backyard and watched tv..... bad move, I came home with a terrible sore throat, I knew I was catching a cold....and yes...I tossed all night...hardly slept...here I am up at 6am....feeling like crap, first for me catching a cold since cancer, I am sure won't be too pleasant.
Sore throat, and blocked nose, what joy
I had a bad dream about my other friend, the one who was here everynight and then disappeared....I dreamt, he bumped into me at a shop, but I was in the nurses office and we had a huge fight , can't figure out what it meant....
I am sitting here enjoying my coffee trying to alleviate my sore throat.

Spent the day with a old friend

I met my friend Rene today, we had lunch, went up to the mountain and enjoyed the weather. It was great seeing him again, I should of done it a long time ago, but I was not ready. I was angry, frustrated etc and was not well at all. It turned out ok in the end. I did not cry nor shed a tear, I was good today lol. I thought I would start crying etc but I did not.
Its a good feeling to see a old true friend. Unlike people who pretend to be your friend but who are not.
I had too many of those in the recent past.
After the mountain we went to his place and we watched Sugar Sammy on TV, the guy was so funny.
He is from Montreal and he is extremely on the ball concerning the difference between the anglos and french here.... I posted two of his myspace videos... wish he had posted the Montreal show, it was too too funny.
Hope you enjoy Sugar Sammy.

Sugar Sammy Comedy Now 2/3 Video by Sugar Sammy - MySpace Video

Sugar Sammy Comedy Now 2/3 Video by Sugar Sammy - MySpace Video

Shared via AddThis

BEWARE: adult content, crude, sex ...............

Sugar Sammy Comedy Now 1/3 Video by Sugar Sammy - MySpace Video

You must check this guy out...he is too funny

Sugar Sammy Comedy Now 1/3 Video by Sugar Sammy - MySpace Video

Shared via AddThis

BEWARE: Adult content, crude, sex

Catching up.....and feeling the joy of having a great family

Been busy reading past week posts, great to read them all. I was not online during my out of town trip. I am happy to be back home.
A friend of mine left me a message while I was away and I finally called him back after a few months, I feel like I could now, move on and see him again. I figured I did not want too many people seeing me go through the chemo days and emotionally I was a ness ,I believe I did the right thing, now...I feel a little stronger and emotionally I am able to see an old friend again, mind you I have known this friend since I was 6 years old and its time to see him again.... I figure, I am here today and I should enjoy quality time with a old dear friend. Life is short, mind you, I do not take shit from anybody no more....I speak my mind, if I feel anyone is talking stupid or hurt my feelings, I let them go.
I warned him I look atleast 10 years older so he won't be shocked.
My side effects seem to be getting worse, my hands are painful and most times numb, typing is very painful. oh well, gotta accept it. I wish to do something great, meaningful, but don't know what....
I wish I had my old career waiting for me, but it is not...so no job. It scares me when I think of going back to work, don't know when, and what kind of job awaits me. It is scary. Times are tough out there and it is stressing me out. Seems all I do these days is go to the hospital and back. In a couple of weeks will be one year since I was diagnosed, I don't know how I did it, sometimes I sit back and remember the two surgeries, the chemo and I find it hard to believe I did it. I am thankful for all those of you who were there for me, it helped me, and I realized I was not alone, it seems cancer is a lonely place, but with the help of you...I managed and we all know how difficult it is.
My past week was spent with the people I love dearly...yes I got teary eyed at times, there were some rough moments, my did my crying and then realized how lucky I was to have this time with my sister, her 3 sons, and her grandson. It was all good.

back home, home sweet home

I am back home, had a great time with my family
Enjoyed my time with my great nephew, what a beautiful little boy, love him, he is wonderful
Great to be home, no place like home

Presently on my trip out of town........feels good

I am presently on route on my trip out of town. Scenery is beautiful, its great sitting here being able to use my laptop. I have a pleasant woman sitting next to me....
I am here for another 5 hours....It feels good getting away, feeling independant again. This trip will do me good. Haven't been out to visit my sister in years, she came out since I've been ill atleast 3 times, its my turn to go there and visit with my nephews and great nephew.
I will enjoy being around family, I spend much to much time by myself and it not only get boring, but very lonely.
I will be online during my stay there.... I will keep myself up to date on all you bloggers

Did they find the cure? Ray of hope? or what

My friend sent me this info from yahoo.ca


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

News Home > Health News> Tick saliva could hold....
Tick saliva could hold cancer cure: Brazilian scientists Module body

Fri Aug 28, 5:06 PM


SAO PAULO (AFP) - It may be one of nature's repulsive little blood-sucking parasites, but the humble tick could yield a future cure for cancers of the skin, liver and pancreas, Brazilian researchers have discovered.



They have identified a protein in the saliva of a common South American tick, Amblyomma cajennense, that apparently reduces and can even eradicate cancerous cells while leaving healthy cells alone.


"This is a radical innovation," said Ana Marisa Chudzinski-Tavassi, the molecular biologist at the Instituto Butantan in Sao Paulo who is leading the research.


"The component of the saliva of this tick... could be the cure for cancer," she told AFP.


She said she stumbled on the properties of the protein, called Factor X active, while testing the anti-coagulant properties of the tick's saliva -- the way it stops blood thickening and clotting so the tick can keep gorging itself on its host.


The protein shares some characteristics with a common anti-coagulant called TFPI (Tissue Factor Pathway Inhibitor), specifically a Kunitz-type inhibitor which also has been shown to interfere with cell growth.


A theory that the protein might have an effect on cancerous cells led to laboratory tests on cell cultures -- which exceeded all expectations.


"To our surprise it didn't kill normal cells, which were also tested," Chudzinski-Tavassi said. "But it did kill the tumorous cells that were being analyzed."


In her modest lab in the institute, housed in a rundown building, a line of immobile bloated ticks could be seen lined up with straws under their heads.


The small amounts of saliva captured that way was reproduced many times over in yeast vats so that tests could be carried out on lab rats with cancer.


The results have been more than promising.


"If I treat every day for 14 days an animal's tumor, a small tumor, this tumor doesn't develop -- it even regresses. The tumor mass shrinks. If I treat for 42 days, you totally eliminate the tumor," the scientist said.


Producing a medicine from the find, though, will require years of clinical tests and a significant financial investment -- neither of which Brazil is geared to provide.


Chudzinski-Tavassi has applied for a patent on the tick protein, and is presenting her team's discovery in medical journals and conferences around the world.


But she says moving beyond her lab "proof of concept" will be frustratingly difficult.


"To discover this is one thing. To turn it into a medicine is a whole other thing entirely," she said.

Sunday, at mom's and dad's

Today, I went to visit my parents since I will be out of town this coming week.
I enjoyed the visit , my brother showed up as did my cousins. Was a nice change. I enjoy spending time with my parents.
I wanted to go see them, so that they see I am doing ok. Much better than last few months.
Tomorrow I start my exercise at the cancer rehab, should be fun, and I get to meet other cancer patients. I am looking forward to that.

Starting writing my life story

I started writing my life story....figured it might be fun
http://www.isauraslife.blogspot.com/

Hope you enjoy it

Cancer Rehab day today...good and bad

This is the Royal Victoria Hospital

This morning I had cancer rehab...let me start with my trip there,,,,I got teary eyed, tears just poured out of me out of nowhere..... you see, it just happens without warning or reason. I just start crying. Anyway I met with the team again today.....

• First - RN , she is a very nice woman...we talked about my side effects...numb hands , feet and lack of taste.
• Second-Doctor, my bowel is screwed up again, more meds,,,,,,great.
• Third -Physiotherapist....we talked for a long time
• Fourth - Nutritionist....need more fibre in my diet...drink, drink...not beer but juices, water, I dislike beer lol
• Fifth- social worker.....long morning.While I met with social worker she informed me the Cancer Society is not all that fair with the patients, they do not offer any financial assistance, especially to those who need it most...oh well, so much for that....its disturbing, like hospital told me, to hand in my cab receipts...I had over 400.00 worth, Cancer Society called and said...... they cannot cover all....... only those that are 6 months old, so those that are over 6 months old, they won't cover it, and they cover 75% or so.

Hospital should of mentioned that, they did not, so I lost out....oh well.....that is life

And every time, you need anything, doctor has to sign forms

My last appointment was artwork workshop, was fun, met other cancer patients, we spoke about ourselves as we created our art....lol, I drew, I love to draw, most just cut pictures from magazines and then pasted, we all had to talk about what our artwork meant to us. As I talked about my piece of art lol, I started tearing again..... I couldn't help it...it seems today was a day for me to cry.......

I drew a woman's face with a bandanna, while undergoing chemo therapy....with cut out words

from magazine " Give a gift of love ", everybody commented, we all need love.....yup we surely do need love

I had 30 mins before my last appointment, I went outside....and I met a woman.....we started talking and her husband has cancer......wow..... we spoke for a long time, she told me she was still in shock and that he was starting his chemo. She was very pleasant to talk to. I told her my experience and I hope I gave her some courage. There I was comforting her and me, the teary eyed one, who tends to cry more these days......

I rather this crying episodes happen with me alone, than with my family members, they are unable to handle my crying.

I find not only do I cry at odd times, but I get frustrated at people...... pushy, arrogant, selfish ones anyway

One thing I mentioned in artwork class, as we spoke about our cancer, was that, cancer changes every aspects of our lives.

• physically- I find cancer or chemo ages us overnight
• emotionally- our emotions are all over the place
• spiritually- we seek that higher power within us
• the way we view life- nothing is the same again
• how we handle things...... such as how we don't let small stuff bother us anymore
• we appreciate the beauty around us , and people more
• we don't take anything for granted anymore
• we tend to not have anything in common with our past friends
• for someone like me...I would panic about almost everything and today.....I don't panic I take one day at a time, I worry yes, but I don't obsess
• we live in the here and now, tomorrow is tomorrow
• we realize we can't push a button and have cancer disappear
• everyday, if we wake up, and see the sun and are able to do anything its a good day
• we tend to clean out the trash in our life, people, things etc

have a good one, hugs

Isaura

Looking for a writer

I am looking for a writer...if anyone is interested in helping me, please contact me.

I need help in writing a book.

This journey started 1 year ago

It's one year yesterday, that I left the hospital.....during my 3 day stay. I was feeling awful, went to the emergency and they kept me there for 3 days doing tests. I was thinking it was something I ate, the Listeria was hitting everybody....I figured I was one of them..WRong.....

I had never seen so many doctors come to see me in emergency, I should of known something was wrong, I didn't.

My second last day, 3 doctors came into my room and starting asking all kinds of questions, have you been out of town, eat something foreign? no, no..... any colon cancer in family? I was not thinking straight, my uncle had colon cancer many years ago....I did not think of that.....

They sent me home, and asked me to go back for a full colonoscopy.... in September, mind you I had a mini one and doctor said.....no cancer.....but they wanted to do a full one.

September 19, Full colonoscopy....I sat up.....not thinking in a few hours my life would change.......after the test, doctor said, rest , later come and see me,,,,okkkkkkk

As I stood there, waiting for the doctor to get off the phone, I still didn't think anything was wrong, he brought me into his office and said " Miss P.... you have what we call Colon cancer....

I just sat there and stared at him....I didn't react, not right away anyway...... he kept talking, chemo this, that, no hair loss....I did not want to hear anymore......I started tearing....and said, ok, doc....its Friday you should go home to your family....I walked out alone..... stood waiting for the elevator in tears, got to the entrance lobby, ordered a coffee and stood outside with a cigarette and my coffee and looked up at the sky.......I was in shock..... mind you I was on a empty stomach from the day before prep for test and it was past 5 pm......

I sat there on the step outside, not knowing what to do.....I called my parents , I knew they were waiting for my call.....I said the test went well, everything is ok....I couldn't tell them...I waited a few months before telling them....after all I am the youngest and they are in their 80's......

I kept it to myself away from them, but I did tell my sister and brother....it was a shock

That night, I acted like it did not happen, I went out to the local coffee shop to meet the locals... I told them....one had the b.....to ask did you give you pot? Like yeah tons.....

some people just don't know what stupid questions not to ask......

Unfortunately, I went to the hospital alone and I walked out of there alone..... but then again, we are born alone and we leave this world alone.....

Its been a year now since all this started and I must say..... the good thing about this is that, I've met wonderful people along the way.....hospital staff, and fellow bloggers.

You all have a lot to offer others....... you all have been there when I needed to talk, or vent, or cry.... Thank you all

Isaura

Has anybody experienced......

Has anybody experienced numbness in hands and feet? Its about 1 month since my last chemo and my hands are in bad shape.....Does anybody know how long this will last?
Doctors have told me, some side effects felt during chemo may last for life
This numbness and tingling is getting on my nerves.....my whole hand gets numb and at times just my finger tips.....darnnnnnn ( mostly entire hands )
I know I should not be bitching..... but I am
Also, has anyone dyed their hair after chemo, if so when is the right time to do so
I feel my hair has aged me....of course chemo and cancer will do it, but the hair does not help ones morale